An Uncle by Association

The year is 2009 and everything seems to be on track. Work is still paying me for surfing the internet. My PS3, PSP, and Gameboy 2D keep my critical thinking and hand eye coordination skills honed to a fine point. My comic book collection is growing as I incorporate a larger number of trade backs and graphic novels. I live in the ultimate bachelor pad with two friends who are like brothers. Every meal follows the man food categories of frozen, cereal, sandwich, meat, and sugar. The monthly runs to Costco fills our carts and bellies with a combination of corndogs and peanut butter. The coffee flows freely and there is no waking up before noon on the weekends (honest to gods rule). We never split the party and we always go left when exploring. Booze was a plenty and A**holes dealt while wearing funny hats. Things were good. Things were consistent. Things were about to change.
        It was a sudden pocket outbreak of what I am going to refer to as “selective hugging”. As I am writing this it is hard to describe the hand gestures I make when I say “selective hugging” but I am sure you get the idea. So, what came of this outbreak? The only logical thing; babies. This selective hugging outbreak would spread from home to home over the next five years.
Now, as I sit writing this I have the honor and the privilege of being called Uncle by seven tiny faces. Not literally, as at least four of them are unable to speak and if their first word was “uncle” than I am not using nearly enough cuss words. Moving on, I am happy to be called Uncle, the issue is explaining what that means to others. Someone at works says, ‘hey do you have kids?” I said, “not that I am aware of but I do have nephews and a nieces by association.” Normally I get a look which is a cross between confusion and pity. Image if you will the look a dog might give you if you fell face first while making them beg for bacon. They are confused because of the word association. They seem to pity me that I either don’t know what Uncle means or am sad and lonely. They also might just be jerks give me crap. Whichever it is I give them the following description:

“I have a lot of friends who are what I call my collected family. Brothers and sisters that I found throughout my journey. These friends are as close to me as blood can get. They stand with me as I stand with them. Their woes are my own. And when these family members could no longer contain the ticking of their biological clocks they had babies. Those babies, being the progeny of my brothers and sisters are not my blood but are my family by association. Hence these “tiny faces’ are my associated nieces and nephews. “

“Oh cool. How does that work?” is normally the question I get asked next. I get asked that question a lot because I am sure a good deal of people don’t come across the term often. Though it is hard to image with the considerable change in the definition of family. We as a society are to a point where we are removing the “non-traditional” from regularly held conversations about family. That to me is great because nothing in my idea of family is traditional.
Here on this blog I will be covering the adventures/ terminology/ craziness/ philosophy of what it means to be an Uncle by Association. I will be posting random conversations with toddlers. Why kid shows today help imagination but defy the logic I call my own. My thoughts on what parents need to do compared to what I really know about parenting. As well random posts containing the madness and wonderful existence that is my uncle hood. I am hoping to have a post at least twice a week depending on the requirements of daily life. If you have questions or suggestions leave them in the comments and I will address them as best I can in a timely manner.
Thank you everyone for reading. Most of all thank you to those family members that have given me the glory and understanding of my title. I apologies in advance.