Morning Encounter – Entryway stairs
I typically head out of the house around 7:00 AM. I leave my living room area and close the door. I turn the hallway light off as I exit my area. I head up the small staircase to the front landing to get my shoes.
(A side note: In Alaska it is customary for any entering into a house to remove their shoes. Most houses have a mud room or entry way that allow for those coming in to take their coats and hats off as well as their shoes. This is done to keep the snow or mud or whatnot from getting on carpets and nicer flooring. Does not matter if it is winter, this custom is a year around affair. It is something you will deal with if you ever come to Alaska. Be aware now if you have foot issues.)
This particular morning my tiny faced nephew was getting dressed by his father in the living room at the top of the stairs. I am not a small man, nor do I tread up stairs like a ninja early in the morning. Being as such the sound of clomping up the stairs was heard by all.
“Hey Tiny Face, who is that?” said my associated brother (who may or may not be the oldest man in history).
“UNCLE JEFF!” exclaimed Tiny Face.
He was not dressed. He frequently is not dressed as nudity in the household is something used to make Uncle Jeff feel uncomfortable. Please note there is never really any actual nudity. Diapers and underpants are the norms. There was one time, but I try not to recall it as I throw up in my mouth a little.
“I’m gonna punch you in the face,” I said as it is my customary greeting to Tiny Face.
He looked at me with a mix of false anger and goofy silliness; He raised his left hand in a fist to show me that he was ready to return my punch.
“Why don’t you show Uncle Jeff your screwdriver?” said my associated brother.
He used this distraction to leave the room and attend to the task of finding clothes and whatnot for Tiny Face.
Tiny Face moved toward the stairs and began to descend them with the pointer finger of his right hand extended. I had not heard what my associated brother had said. I was expecting a punch in the guts or something along those lines. I knew that something was coming because the tiny face of Tiny Face was wearing the trickster’s grim of Loki himself.
I prepared for the punch but was taken off guard when Tiny Face started to lift up my shirt. Lucky for me I wear an undershirt almost all the time. Seeing his task was not completed Tiny Face began to tug at my undershirt. I pushed down on my shirt to impede Tiny Face from getting any further. It is a little weird to have to fight a three-year-old for control of your clothing. I am sure parents everywhere understand this. If not, then please put clothes on you nudists. Unless of course you are a hot, single, lady looking for an educated, funny, gentleman to spend the rest of your life with. You can stay naked, I won’t judge.
“Hey! What are you doing? That’s my shirt,” I said batting his tiny hand away.
“I need to use my screwdriver,” he said while pointing his finger in the general direction of my belly button. At this stage, I had to stop and laugh due to the cold hand of fear beginning to climb the back of my neck.
This tiny SOB was going for my bellybutton to unscrew my legs. His small brain has worked out the concept of the threat, and he was actively willing to fire the first shot. I could see the events unfolding before me. My belly button was popping out of my torso causing my legs to loosen from my frame. My legless body was crashing to the floor of the landing and wheedle wobble its way down the lower stairs to the basement. The worse fears of ages 5 – 9 of my life flashed before my eyes. I had to act quickly to bring my rational mind back into the present timeline.
“He is going to end me…” a tiny voice in my head whispered. “Quick man! Defend yourself before he manages a killing blow!”
I pointed my finger at the Tiny Face and pushed gently against his stomach. Being that I am much larger and far stronger than he is my push was enough to disable him. He fell back against the stairs and began to laugh. I poked at him a few more times to draw out laughter. Though it was effective because he laughed, it was more efficient because it re-established dominance between the two of us. I am bigger, and he should know that.
“I am going to use my screwdriver,” I said as I poked Tiny Face further.
“NO, I’m going to use my screwdriver!” returned Tiny Face.
This banter continued for a few moments. Tiny Face attempted to get at my shirt again but was swatted away like so many flies before him. He laughed, I laughed, and it was a grand ole’ time for the few moment we battled. Being the adult, I became aware of my need to get to work. I began to move away placing my feet into my shoes.
“Let’s play FIGHT,” said Tiny Face. His tiny fist raised up at me as if we were going to recreate a fight from the video game Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out.
“I can’t, I have to go to work,” I explained.
“Let’s play… hide and seek,” he whispered in my ear as I knelt down to fix my shoe.
“I can’t, I have to go to work,” I explained again.
At this point, he stood up from the stairs and tried to play with my shirt again. I took his tiny hand and gave him a hug goodbye. He looked at my shirt and started to trace the large X of my shirt’s design. He looked like he was thinking about stabbing me in the belly button again. I waited to react to his attack when he spoke.
“You should go to the moon,” he said finishing his tracing.
“What do you mean go to the moon?” I asked.
“You should go to the moon, so you can see the moon,” spoke Tiny Face very plainly as if it made perfect sense.
“Um, well that would be nice, and I would like to go to the moon,” I said. “But I have to go to work.”
“Okay,” he said returning my hug.
I hugged him back. Turning toward the door I opened it enough to get out without the chance of Poseidon “Dog of the Sea” to escape. I walked out the door and began to close it when I hear this.
“Okay, I’ll see you this morning!”
“Okay, I’ll see you this evening,” I corrected.
I closed the door and walked to my car. I got in and started it up still trying to figure out where he had gotten the idea of going to the moon. I looked down and checked my shirt. That day I was wearing my 13PAX shirt. A shirt I had bought when my friends and I had made the awesome trip down to Seattle for PAX Prime 2013. I looked carefully at the picture and found that the X was designed to look like the D pad of a video game controller. In the middle of that X is a round white circle. A circle that looks a lot like how a toddler would image the moon.
“Huh. Clever devil,” I said as I turned the key in the ignition.
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